One mother is asking Reddit if she is the a****** for refusing to host a baby shower for her estranged daughter in law.
“I think a bit of background may be required for this one. I (60F) have 2 sons and a daughter. The people in question here are Dave(35) and his wife Liz(29). Basically, I have a relationship with Dave but none at all with Liz,” the OP (Original Poster) begins.
“Dave was married before and has 2 children (11M and 9F) with his ex-wife, Cassie. Cassie unexpectedly died in January 2020 about two weeks before Dave and Liz’s wedding. Liz and I had a falling out over the children attending the wedding. They said they did not want to attend and Liz demanded they be in the wedding despite the fact they had just lost their mother and could have stayed with Cassie’s parents that day.”
“Dave gave into Liz’s demand and the kids attended and as Liz says ‘ruined’ the wedding when they refused to walk down the aisle and then cried at the reception. I defended my grandchildren’s behavior because they were grieving and Liz was very angry that I did not try harder at the wedding to get them to behave (they were in my care for the day).”
“After the wedding, Cassie’s parents and my husband and I started taking our grandchildren more often because they did not want to be at Dave and Liz’s house. My son works long hours so they would mostly have to be with Liz. Liz does not like that we pick up our grandkids when they call us and maybe we are undermining her parenting but she does often fail to cook dinner, take them to therapy, or afterschool activities.”
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“She is now expecting a baby in November and will be having a baby shower in a few weeks. I was not invited but have not told any of my extended family about the issue with Liz or the fact that I was not attending because I feel like my family is also Dave’s family and can form their own opinions.”
“Recently, word got out that I would not be there (I’m not sure how) and family started to question. The reason got out there and my family is now very angry with both Dave and Liz.”
“They are refusing to attend the baby shower and I guess the guestlist went from over 60 to under 20. Liz and family have decided they are fine with this because they do not have to pay for as many guests but now Liz has called my daughter and demanded that we (daughter and I) host a shower for her and she ‘might stop by’ if she is ‘feeling up to it’ but will come to pick up the gifts after the shower to show the family that we are all on good terms (not actually true).”
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“I might be TA because we declined and now that people know we are estranged, I am sort of happy that I don’t have to pretend to like her anymore,” the OP concluded.
One user is saying: “She doesn’t care about the party, just the gifts. Pretty on par behavior for someone who also demands children be at her wedding as props despite mourning their mother.”
While another commented: “Demand a shower then say she might ‘stop by’ if she’s ‘feeling up to it.’ Made me laugh out loud. Omg the entitlement on that woman. OP is NTA, and I feel sorry for her son.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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